The first is, of course, my own father. My dad is a great man. He was a good father, and he is a fantastic grandfather. Family was and still is very important to him. He turned down jobs in which he would have earned a lot more money and gained a lot more prestige than the job he settled into. Why? - Because it required travel and moving his family around the country. He grew up moving from town to town and state to state, and didn’t like it. He didn’t think that kind of a lifestyle would be good for his family.
One of my earliest memories of my dad is from the age of about two. I remember curling up on his chest after my nightly bath, suited in my footy-pajamas, and listening to the beating of his heart as he patted my back. It was a moment which personified how I felt when I was with my dad: wanted, protected, and loved. That is a grid which I was fortunate enough to have from the time I was very little. This sense of feeling wanted and loved, particularly by my father, formed an expectation in my two year-old mind that God was similar to my father. As a result, I have never really doubted whether or not I was wanted and loved by God. That is a gift I have always had, and for that I thank my dad.As I continued to grow and develop into a young lady, my dad was a steady presence. He was there to cheer me on as I participated in school plays, basketball and soccer games and other activities with which I managed to get involved. It was remarkable to me how few fathers attended these events, but mine always seemed to be there. During my senior year in high school, when I was captain of the girl’s soccer team, he arranged his schedule at work so he could be present at my afternoon games. I don’t think he missed one game. I can still see him standing there on the side-lines with my mother, cheering me on as I played.
I can remember numerous occasions on which he told me he loved me, and that he was proud of me. I thought it was normal for parents to say such things to their kids. It was only when I was much older that I realized that not all parents, and particularly not all fathers, were verbal with their children about the affection and pride they may have felt toward them.
After graduating with my Ph.D., my dad asked for a copy of my dissertation. He actually stayed up one night and read it! I think he is probably the only person besides the members of my dissertation committee who actually read my research. The performance of Asian and Hispanic American college students on the Supplementary Scales of the MMPI-2 is not exactly riveting reading! (Trust me on this – I have never felt compelled to re-read my dissertation.)
To know what a truly remarkable man he is, you also have to know that my dad did not have a father who modeled any of these traits for him. My grandfather, may he rest in peace, was not a good husband or a good father the first time he attempted to fill the roles. As a matter of fact, he was quite the opposite. My dad had to consciously decide to be different from what he knew a “father” to be. And he succeeded marvelously.
Was he perfect? No. No one is. We had our issues, particularly in adolescence. But we worked through them, and ultimately stayed connected. Our connection is stronger now because of those hard times.
What I respect most about my dad is the conscious decision he made to not be like his father. It would have been easy for him to do what he knew, and to behave like his father behaved. Statistically, I should have had a very different childhood from the one I had. Most men who grow up in homes like the one my dad grew up in turn out very differently. But, my dad made a choice; he wasn’t going to be like that. And he wasn’t.
He and my mother will have been married 42 years this summer. Both of his children and all three of his grandchildren love him and are in relationship with him. Truth be told, all of us would do anything we could for him.
The legacy he leaves is substantially different from the one his father left.
Thanks be to God for my dad.
I can remember numerous occasions on which he told me he loved me, and that he was proud of me. I thought it was normal for parents to say such things to their kids. It was only when I was much older that I realized that not all parents, and particularly not all fathers, were verbal with their children about the affection and pride they may have felt toward them.
After graduating with my Ph.D., my dad asked for a copy of my dissertation. He actually stayed up one night and read it! I think he is probably the only person besides the members of my dissertation committee who actually read my research. The performance of Asian and Hispanic American college students on the Supplementary Scales of the MMPI-2 is not exactly riveting reading! (Trust me on this – I have never felt compelled to re-read my dissertation.)
To know what a truly remarkable man he is, you also have to know that my dad did not have a father who modeled any of these traits for him. My grandfather, may he rest in peace, was not a good husband or a good father the first time he attempted to fill the roles. As a matter of fact, he was quite the opposite. My dad had to consciously decide to be different from what he knew a “father” to be. And he succeeded marvelously.
Was he perfect? No. No one is. We had our issues, particularly in adolescence. But we worked through them, and ultimately stayed connected. Our connection is stronger now because of those hard times.
What I respect most about my dad is the conscious decision he made to not be like his father. It would have been easy for him to do what he knew, and to behave like his father behaved. Statistically, I should have had a very different childhood from the one I had. Most men who grow up in homes like the one my dad grew up in turn out very differently. But, my dad made a choice; he wasn’t going to be like that. And he wasn’t.
He and my mother will have been married 42 years this summer. Both of his children and all three of his grandchildren love him and are in relationship with him. Truth be told, all of us would do anything we could for him.
The legacy he leaves is substantially different from the one his father left.
Thanks be to God for my dad.
1 comment:
What a beautiful tribute to an obviously deserving man! I did not have a dad like yours but I am grateful that YOU did! Happy Father's Day to Cyndi's Dad!!
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